Hunting Season
by daemonfamiliar
Summary: Where James Potter learns the hard way about a Muggle sport called hunting and a Muggle learns the hard way to never hunt deer out of season. One shot.


**A/N: This is just an idea that popped into my head the other day. I liked it, but had no idea what to do with it, so now it's a one-shot. Enjoy my randomness!**

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own nothin'.

Hunting Season

James Potter was bored out of his mind. School had been out for a month now and he had absolutely nothing to do. He was going to go completely insane. Fortunately, his best friend was crazier than him on a normal day. So, to save his sanity, he owled Sirius Black.

In no time, his best mates and fellow Marauders Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Apparated in his living room.

"You have no idea how glad I am to to see you guys," James told them.

"It's good to see you, too, James," Remus said with a smile as Sirius tackled James with a bear hug that knocked them both to the floor.

"So, now that we're here, what are we gonna do?" Sirius asked, letting James untangle himself.

"Well, there's a small forest not that far from here, on the outskirts of the Muggle town. I thought we could... you know," he waggled his dark brows suggestively. "For old times sake."

"All right, let's go!" Sirius said, full of energy as always. Remus slung his pack—no doubt stuffed with books—onto his back, still smiling.

"I guess I'll tag along and try to keep you guys out of trouble."

"Yay! Moony, Prongs, and Padfoot, on the prowl again!" Sirius cheered.

Half an hour later, Remus sat comfortably under an old birch tree, an open book in his lap, watching the antics of a stag and a dog as they darted through the trees. He was quite content to be in his two-legged form and able to enjoy this time with his best friends. The two beasts came close enough for Remus to "hear" their conversation.

_"Stags are so much better than dogs. There's no contest. We're faster, smarter, more agile, better looking..."  
"Hmph, strange, I've never heard a stag be called 'man's best friend' before."_

_"Ohh, man's best friend. How scary." _

Remus couldn't help but chuckle as the two friends continued to bicker. It was such a beautiful day. The sky was clear, the birds were singing... wait. No they weren't. Why weren't the birds singing anymore? Remus could have sworn he'd heard a variety of bird calls just a few minutes ago. His lupine senses tingled, and he rose to a crouch beneath the tree, sniffing the air. There was someone else...

**_BANG!_**

The stag leaped six feet in the air as something hit the dirt just to his left. _"What the bloody hell? Remus? What's going on?"_

_"There's a Muggle nearby. My, this is interesting. I can talk to you telepathically even in human form."_

_"Great. We can reflect on the coolness later. What _was_ that?" _Sirius yelped, sounding dog-like even in telepathy.

_"I believe the Muggle is shooting at James with a gun. You know, one of those wand things that Muggles use to..."_

_"Shut it, Remus. I know what a gun is. Why is he shooting at me?"_

_"I'm going to guess he's hunting deer. Wait, that's not right. I didn't think Muggle deer season was until the fall." _Another shot rang out, and James started running as fast as he could.

_"Well, he sure as hell ain't hunting nifflers," _he panted in Remus' mind.

_"Well, I imagine not, since he doesn't know what a niffler is."_

_"You're not being a lot of help, you do know that, right Remus?"_

_"I'm sorry, but there's not much I can do without revealing our world to this Muggle. Is there any way you can shield yourself while you're in stag form? Just long enough to get out of sight and change back to human. As soon as you no longer look like a deer, you should be safe." _

_"I've got a better idea."_

_"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" _Remus got no answer and watched with a growing feeling of dread as the stag turned around and began to walk in an imperious fashion back in the direction of the hunter. _"James? What are you doing?" _

The hunter froze, baffled by the behavior of his prey, but did not lower his weapon. Then, without missing a step, James began to flow back to human form. Remus had never seen a more graceful transition. James, always showy, was not content to stop there. While regaining his human appearance he constructed an illusion to makes his clothes look woven from foliage—complete with a leafy crown—and persuaded the wind to blow leaves around him. It was an impressive sight. While outwardly shaking his head at his friend's blatant misuse of magic, Remus was inwardly awed. No matter how many books he read or how much studying he did, he could never make major works of magic look as comfortably natural as James did. Once James was fully James again—with a few theatrical improvements—a large black dog approached him, eyes lowered, and groveled at his feet. Remus shook his head again as he heard Sirius laughing hysterically in his head, but he kept his eyes on the Muggle's gun. Although the man's jaw was nearly on the ground and the hands holding the gun were trembling, he still hadn't lowered the weapon. Terrified and armed, the Muggle was even more dangerous than before. Remus focused his attention to the finger on the trigger and held his breath. Thankfully, impetuous though he was, James had more sense than he usually showed.

"Drop your weapon," he said in a deep, echoing voice—the result of even more impulsively dramatic magic. Remus rolled his eyes. James had clearly been watching too many Muggle movies. Thankfully, after a frozen second, the Muggle's gun clattered to the forest floor and Remus was able to breath normally again.

"Who-who are you?" the man stuttered in a shaking, high-pitched voice.

James seemed to grow larger in his anger. "YOU _DARE _QUESTION ME?" he bellowed. The poor man probably thought he was facing God Himself. "YOU TRESPASS IN _MY_ FOREST, WITH THE INTENTION OF HUNTING DEER OUT OF SEASON, AND," James was turning red in the face at the mere thought of such an indignity, "YOU _FIRE_ AT ME. AND YET YOU STILL DARE TO QUESTION ME? I SUGGEST YOU REMOVE YOUR PATHETIC, LOATHSOME SELF FROM MY FOREST THIS _INSTANT_ AND NEVERSET FOOT AMONG MY TREES AGAIN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?_" _The man nodded spinelessly and then turned around and ran as fast as he could, leaving his gun behind. As soon as he was sure he was gone, James dropped his magical illusions and sprawled himself beneath the birch tree next to Remus, looking tired but pleased with himself. After a few moments, the black dog joined them and soon there were three boys under the tree, two of which were laughing hysterically.

"Come on, Moony," James panted after awhile, "Even you have to admit that that was hilarious."

"It was funnier once the man wasn't armed," he commented casually. A shadow flitted across James' face, making Remus wonder if maybe he_ had_ actually been worried about his well-being at one point. Then James made a face at him and the moment was gone.

"Well, I did a service for deerkind everywhere. I doubt that that Muggle will ever hunt in the wrong season again."

"Hell, I doubt he'll ever hunt again, period," Sirius chortled.

"At least not in this forest," Remus said with a smile. "You two are absolutely insane. I doubt either of you will live to see thirty." Sirius snorted.

"This from the werewolf. You know, with all the shit you have to deal with, you're much more likely to kick the bucket at a tragically young age than we are."

"We'll see about that," Remus joked. After resting and allowing James to recover some of the energy he'd used up, the three mates decided that they didn't feel like Apparating back. Instead they walked, arm in arm, reliving past pranks and dreaming of the future.

Remus always was the smart one.

**A/N: I hadn't really planned for it to be more serious at the end—it just sort of happened that way. Anyway, don't ask me where that came from. Hope you liked it anyway!**

_**Daemonfamiliar**_


End file.
